Mulling over...

I stood to the point of exhaustion at the back of the front gates. With a rifle slung around my neck, the weight is slowly but surely exerting a strain. Possibly the only person awake in the whole of the camp, I shifted my feet uneasily, listening to the hum of the crickets, trying my utmost best not to join the slumberland. Words like "SWIFT AND DECISIVE" , "ONCE ARMOUR, ALWAYS ARMOUR" appeared to be like hallucinations as I swayed about, trying my best not to look directly into the glare of the light from the hull of a decorative tank.

Even the dogs were asleep. Life of a sentry. Somehow I managed to last through 6 of the eight regimental hours required. An additional two shouldn't be a problem.....

Sitting in the MRT train, finally glad that this whole crap is over. The first thing that bombarded my eyes were "LEADER, SOLDIER, BROTHER" and others such as "LIKE NOTHING ON EARTH.(double meaning)" ARGH*tears hair(literally)*. Just when I thought that I had escaped from the clutches of the green men. Countless other ads that I see ad nauseum :"FROM OUR LAND WE ARE MADE, FOR OUR LAND WE WILL FIGHT !!!! RAWRRR (insert exaggerative patriotism). Or "ON MY FACE IS MUD. OUR MUD. (actually it is soil)" What is the world coming to?

I feel sad that somehow or another, my home has transformed into a hotel. Frustrated of the fact that I face guys 24/5, I look forward to coming home at last, enjoying my personal private room, though I only see it twice a week. The reassuring hug that I get from my parents before I book in is the fuel that kept me going for 5 days, which gets spent and ever darkening as the days pass. It is said that guys use only 2000 words a day. Of which 99% is trash and vulgarities. The 1 % might actually contain leaks of his inner feelings. Since we ain't that expressive, most of the time is spent bottling up. (yea I know it is unhealthy but what to do?God designed Adam to be less expressive that Eve. The fact that he could have stopped the snake from tempting Eve by just saying "Get out you snake". But he didn't).

They say that boys mature to men in the army. I prefer to say that it has changed our view of the idealistic, hole-in the well world that I would have liked to have kept. Suffice to say, to list down here would risk a warning. To us, a civilian/uni/normal life is like utopia. I dare say after being treated the way we had been dealt with, we certainly appreciate our peers/juniors more.

To me, the only good (one of the few actually) lesson that I drew from the army experience is the fact army has taught people how to appreciate the womenfolks, be it mother/gf/watevers. Although guys will never say that upfront, but they are actually thankful that girls are so MUCH different from those army goons they face everyday, the office politics, men treated as labour. (though technically, guys are supposed to be the labour force of the army), the colourful language......etc. Uni life is so much in contrast, the liberation, the joy of freedom...

So much for the depressing post. The one percent of the bottled feelings.