Jokes :D
Enjoy.
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the 'accident of evolution' had created. Along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes. As he turned, he saw a seven-foot grizzly charging at him. Alarmed, he ran as fast as he could up the path, but the bear was bearing in close.
Fear made him run even faster, but when he looked over his shoulder, the bear was even closer. Tears sprang to his eyes and his heart pumped frantically as he tried to run faster. Just then, he tripped and fell. He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him, raising its paw to strike him. At that instant, he cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent; even the river stopped running. A bright light shone on the man and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence all these years, teach others I don't exist, and credit my creation to a cosmic accident, and now you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked to the light and said, "It would be hypocritical for me to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," the voice said.
The light went out, the river ran, the sounds of the forest came back, and the bear turned away from the man. It brought its paws together, bowed his head, and said, "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."
Meeting with the Devil:
When the church had been emptied, the devil went up to the man and asked, "Aren't you afraid of me? I am evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and I will torture you."
"You don't scare me," the old man replied, "I've been married to your sister for 35 years!"
One Wish(i find this the funniest):
A man walking along a beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Immediately, the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will indeed grant you one wish."
The man said, "Please build a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking, the amount of work required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for such worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives say that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say, 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
After a few minutes of silence, God said, "Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"